Last week an online Christianity Today Meditation entitled “The Gift of My Anxiety” got my attention and prompted this blog post. In the article author Laura Turner tells about her lifelong relationship with fear that began when she was four or five years old. She acknowledges “mostly I fear the future” and reveals “try as I might, I can’t get rid of it.” To my surprise she not only calls her anxiety a gift, she says “every bout of anxiety has driven me closer to God,” “persistent fear has kept me tethered to God,” and “If I could snap my fingers and be rid of my anxiety, I wouldn’t.”
I too battle anxiety. My first bout came on totally unexpected and for no reason when I was hiking the Appalachian Trail in my late 20s. I had never experienced it before that evening and there was nothing specific I was afraid of or concerned about. I was just overcome with anxiety and I have battled it on and off since then.
Through the years I have read widely and deeply about anxiety, consulted with counselors, and tried a variety of medications. Most of the time I have no anxiety, but there are times when I do have it—ranging from mild to somewhat debilitating. For the most part the only sure predictor for me is when I am preparing to travel by air—the intensity grows on the way to the airport, waiting to get on the plane, and then peaks as we board. Once we get to where we are going I am usually fine.
Experts report that while both women and men deal with the issue, women are more likely to deal with the problem than men. I guess that means I am deeper and more sensitive than most guys! My self-diagnosis is that my anxiety is neurotic and irrational and is technically called Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
Unlike Laura Turner’s report, as best as I can tell, my anxiety isn’t really about the future. Nor do I see it as a gift; and if I could snap my fingers and be rid of it I would in a second. Of course I pray about it and do my best to trust and lean on the Lord, but I don’t see how it has driven me closer to God or kept me tethered to Him. I think I’m tethered and close to Him with or without the anxiety.
I think Laura Turner’s Meditation is informative and worth reading. I agree with her on the helpfulness of sharing your anxiety issue with someone. On more than one occasion when I have been with a friend and anxiety has come upon me it has been lessened by telling my colleague about it. Not only that, occasionally as others hear about my anxiety they are encouraged to learn someone besides them struggles with it. That’s my primary reason for writing about my anxiety in this blog. If you deal with anxiety perhaps you will be relieved to know there are others too.
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Here’s the link if you would like to read Laura Turner’s Meditation: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2016/julaug/gift-of-my-anxiety-ear.html?utm_source=ctdirect-html&utm_medium=Newsletter&utm_term=15819991&utm_content=454389237&utm_campaign=email
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I have anxiety and this was very comforting to read. I have been able to get control at times on an attack with imagery and sometimes needing medication. It is weird that sometimes people are shocked that I have anxiety that leads to panic attacks. They say that I am always so happy hour can you have this problem. I also would snap it away if given the opportunity. I don’t think of it as a gift but I do think it has helped others because I can explain what is going on to them or others to help them understand. Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts.